“The mother wound involves confronting your shadow. As uncomfortable as it is, you first have to reflect on the ways you are like your mother, for better or worse. This takes time; it’s something you’re going to have to catch yourself in day-to-day life.
Notice the ways you speak like her, the language that you use that reminds you of her, the qualities you like and don’t like. There’s always going to be a mixture of both.
Even if you had a mother who was abandoning and abusive, there’s still certain qualities that you probably picked up from her that were good. We don’t want to see it in this black-and-white, all-good or all-bad way.
Once you spend a good deal of time on that, another important thing is to differentiate all of the ways that you’re not like your mother. There’s something very specific and unique to your soul, which is what you’re supposed to discover on the path of individuation.
You start to see that you’re not like her, despite how profound her influence was, and that’s how you can begin to individuate. So first there’s this confrontation with the shadow, but then there’s almost this separation from the mother, and you see that you are not all your mother.
This takes inner work and turning inward for men too. One of the most important things for the connection to the anima is to get into a healthy relationship with his own feelings, meaning he is not controlled by them, not trying to control them, and not feeling overwhelmed by them.”
-Laura Matsue
Episode 136, Part 2 – The Mother Wound: A Psychospiritual Healing Guide
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