to the love I was never ready to lose
I miss you in ways I don't know how to explain, because it isn't only your voice or your hands or the way you looked at me, it is everything that existed because you were here, the quiet mornings, the stupid conversations, the feeling that somewhere in the world there was a person I could always return to. Now I walk through my days carrying memories of things I never thought I'd have to miss, and sometimes I catch myself turning toward you before remembering that there is nowhere for me to turn anymore.
I wish I had known how temporary you were, because I would have looked at you longer, held your hand more carefully, listened to every meaningless story as though it were the last one you would ever tell me. I would have memorized your laugh, your voice, the little things you did without noticing, because now I would give anything for one ordinary day with you again, not a perfect goodbye, not some final beautiful moment, just you beside me while the world carried on around us.
people tell me time will make it easier, but I don't want easier if it means losing pieces of you along the way, because this ache is the closest thing I have left to having you, and sometimes I would rather carry the pain of remembering you than wake up one morning and realize I can no longer remember exactly what it felt like to love you.
for dear : @transformedtoshiva
