I wake each morning and wonder whether there is a reason to stay, while the morning does not wander back. I keep searching for something to mean, while meaning remains only a word we invented to decorate the void. Perhaps I was made to be loved, yet nothing was made for anything. Still, I reach for another hand as if another body could prove that my existence is not an accident, while the universe remains indifferent. I say, love me, but when someone does, I become frightened by the tenderness. love arrives without permission or purpose and tenderness changes nothing in the end. I want to be held, then question why being held feels like salvation when I know I will eventually be let go, when everything is eventually let go. So I stand between hunger and having, embarrassed by how much I still want, almost amused by how seriously I want anything at all. Maybe this is the strangest part that I keep looking for an answer and keep finding myself, while perhaps there was never an answer to find. I know love cannot save me and still I want it. I know nothing is promised a meaning and still I make one. I know every hand will eventually loosen, every body will disappear, every beautiful thing will become a memory and yet I still want someone to hold me as though permanence were possible. Perhaps that is the absurdity of it all...not that life has no meaning but that knowing this does not stop me from asking, from loving, from wanting to be loved, from feeling strangely uncomfortable when someone finally does. I keep expecting love to feel like an answer but when it comes, it feels more like another question. And perhaps I will love you anyway, not because it saves me, not because it gives existence a purpose but simply because I can. Perhaps nothing is enough. Perhaps everything is enough for the brief moment it exists. Perhaps the absence of a reason is the reason I keep going. And perhaps, in this ridiculous little act of wanting something I know I cannot keep, I have accidentally found the closest thing I will ever have to meaning.
7September 2, 2026 67
