sometimes it settles in my chest. sometimes it borrows my mind. sometimes it is just a quiet hesitation about how things will go. sometimes it is a thousand questions standing at the edge of tomorrow, asking me to prepare for endings that haven't even arrived. sometimes it is all of them at once.
sometimes it feels like i'm carrying something i cannot name. i keep looking for a reason, for one single thing i can point at and say, "this is it." but it is never just one thing. it is a little bit of yesterday, a little bit of tomorrow, and very little of today. it is memories refusing to leave and possibilities refusing to stay quiet.
sometimes i think too far ahead. sometimes i go too far back. sometimes i stand in the middle, unable to move because every direction feels uncertain. i replay conversations that are already over. i write new ones for people who haven't even spoken yet. i imagine every possible outcome until i don't know which one is real anymore.
sometimes it is not sadness. sometimes it is not fear either. sometimes it is just a strange heaviness that quietly follows me around, asking nothing, saying nothing, yet making itself known in every breath i take. sometimes it is so soft that i almost forget it is there. sometimes it becomes the only thing i can feel.
sometimes i wonder if my mind is trying too hard to protect me. if all these thoughts are simply love dressed as fear, trying to make sure nothing catches me by surprise. but somewhere along the way, i forgot that not everything needs to be predicted to be survived. not every silence is a warning. not every pause means something is about to fall apart.
sometimes i just wish my heart and my mind would stop pulling me in different directions. sometimes i wish they would sit together for a while, say nothing and simply let me be.
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2July 30, 2026 190
